Yes, ladies and gentleman, I didn't consume my daily caffeine allotment and ended up suffering from a massive headache when I should have been writing about my adventure.
That won't be an issue today, as I just sucked down a can of Coke, so we should be good.
Is everybody ready to hear about the Tower? Here we go!
In the 1070's, William the Conqueror began to build a massive stone tower in the middle of his stone fortress in the middle of London. The White Tower was intended to dominate the City and to show his victory and power over the subjugated people.
Today the Tower continues to hold people in its power, with over two million visitors coming to view it every year.
And boy howdy, was it packed.
Note all the tiny little people milling about on the bank. They aren't actually inside, but a lot of them were or soon will be. Traitor's Gate is on the far left.
The above is the White Tower, begun by William, and is the most iconic portion of the mass of buildings consisting of "The Tower of London," but there are many many more. I've read about this place for a long time, and even watched documentaries about it, but I never realized just how big it actually is.
Map from Experience the Tower of London, the souvenir guidebook I picked up at the Tower.
Waterloo Barracks, on the northern side, where the Crown Jewels are kept.
On the south wall, to the right of Lanthorn Tower, looking north. New Armouries restaurant is on the right, the White Tower is to the far left, Waterloo Barracks is straight ahead.
This was taken from the inner east wall, looking into this little residence that makes up part of the outer east wall. I'm assuming the Beefeaters or someone else intrinsic to the Tower lives here.
The southwest corner of consists of a right-angle of these houses, where Queen's House is located. The green area is Tower Green.
The notorious Traitor's Gate. Queen Anne Boleyn entered by this gate, as did her daughter Elizabeth eighteen years later. Elizabeth would be released after eight weeks;
Anne was executed after seventeen days.
The infamous scaffold site, surrounded by the names of the people executed here.
The inscription around the base reads: "Gentle visitor pause awhile * where you stand death cut away the light of many days * here jewelled [sic] names were broken from the vivid thread of life * may they rest in peace while we walk the generations around their strife and courage * under these restless skies"
- Brian Catling, creator of the execution site memorial
Queen Anne Boleyn, 1536, second wife of Henry VIII and mother of Elizabeth I. She was executed on trumped-up charges of treason, adultery, and incest so Henry could marry Jane Seymour.
Queen Catherine Howard, 1542, fifth wife of Henry VIII. She actually did commit adultery, but Henry was old and fat and she was barely in her twenties, so . . . . Also it's not like Henry never strayed.
Double standards.
Lady Jane Grey, 1554, was named Queen of England in the will of her cousin Edward VI. She "reigned" for nine days before being overthrown by Edward's sister Mary, aka Mary I, aka
"Bloody Mary."
The two main highlights (I think) are the Crown Jewels in the Waterloo Barracks and the collections belonging to the Royal Armouries, in the museum of the Tower of London.
Photography is sadly forbidden in the actual rooms containing the jewels, but let me tell you they are splendid.
First you stand in a very long queue that reminded me of those at Cedar Point. Walking through the front doors . . .
The sign above reads "E II R," or Elizabeth II Regina.
. . . and are lead into a second queue that snakes around as one looks at pictures of various Kings and Queens holding the orb and scepter and wearing crowns. After the Civil War and resulting Parliamentarian victory (lead by Oliver Cromwell) in 1649, the Crown Jewels were broken down and melted for currency, or were sold for the benefit of the Commonwealth.
After the Restoration of the Monarchy in 1660, Charles II ordered a new set of Crown Jewels made, and in the future more crowns, maces, etc. would be added to the collections.
There's actually a lot more to see than just crowns and scepters. For example, the Imperial Mantle is on display:
The Imperial Mantle was made in 1821 for the coronation of George IV.
As is the Coronation Spoon:
This is used to anoint the King or Queen with oil. Unlike many objects on view, the spoon is an original that was used from the 12th century. It was returned to the Tower by a Royalist sympathizer who had bought it at a sale in 1649.
And a lot of plates and other dining-service wares:
These were not very interesting, I will admit.
But the crowns themselves - plus the scepter - were the absolute best. Located in elevated cases, there are two moving-floor flat escalator-like things, (like you find in the airport, work with me here), people stand on and are ferried past the things. This is probably to keep people from lingering and clogging up the viewing area. I think they move too fast, but you can get back on and go through as many times as you like.
Imperial State Crown
Queen Mother's crown
The Imperial State Crown of India.
The Scepter
The jewels were amazing, and the Tower included some amusing anecdotes about them, under the title "The crown is down!" On such story reads, "Queen Victoria was not amused when her Imperial State Crown was badly damaged at the State Opening of Parliament in 1845. Pity the poor Duke of Argyll, who while proudly carrying the crown on a cushion let it fall to the ground with a 'great crash'. The Queen later described it as 'all crushed, & squashed, looking like a pudding that had sat down'."
If the jewels were pretty and awe-inspiring (not to mention very sparkly), the Royal Armouries museum hosted in the White Tower is, if not particularly pretty, at least awe-inspiring (these are not sparkly, however).
The entrance floor contains the Line of Kings display, highlighting the historical development of armor, but even more importantly promoting the king's right to rule, being originally set up in 1660 after the restoration of the monarchy.
Line of Kings
On the first floor is St. John's Chapel, one of the most complete examples of early Anglo-Norman ecclesiastical architecture.
Interior of St. John's Chapel
The second floor hosts The Power House, which talks about the various goings-on that once took place in the Tower: the Mint, Menagerie, state prison and Record Office to the Ordnance and Armouries.
The basement holds great guns and mortars, trophies and pikes, swords and muskets. This is also where prisoners including Guy Fawkes (failed Gunpowder Plot of 1605) and John Gerard (undercover Jesuit priest in 1594) were tortured, for "every device and instrument of human torture was there."
The Tower is of course where the famous armor belonging to Henry VIII resides:
It should be instantly obvious to everyone why this is the case.
There were also other objects one would expect:
A few things that were out of the ordinary:
And some things were completely out of left field:
This is a dragon. It has rubies in its belly, and lights for eyes. It's super cool.
Probably the most interesting thing about the Tower, despite all of its history, and what it holds, etc., is just the mere sight of a Medieval fortress sitting in the middle of all these glass and steel skyscrapers.
This isn't a very good picture but it's the best I had.
The Tower itself is beautiful (more so now than it would have been in its heyday, if we're being honest with ourselves):
As someone who has a weakness for historical buildings in general and forts in particular, this was a real treat to finally see in person.
In the past, the Tower was the symbol of governmental authority, even suppression, over Londoners. It saw royalty and prisoners, coronations and executions.
Today it sees millions of visitors, and its once-formidable buildings have been thrown open to welcome and entertain them.
I pulled a lot of material from the handy guidebook I purchased at the Tower:
Experience the Tower of London, Souvenir Guidebook. Historic Royal Palaces: Tower of London.
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